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We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.
-Maya Angelou

Peaceful Memory

"We are like a ship fastened to the shore. It floats on the water of the sea, but it does not leave its moorings; it merely bobs up and down. We are like a swimmer who prefers to walk rather than take to the water. O my God, sever these moorings, loosen the thread from the wings of my soul, plunge me into the sea."
---Peter Julian Eymard, March 14, 1865

I took this photograph in St. Croix this past May, on my honeymoon. Looking at it now, reminds me of how peaceful it felt to be swimming alongside this young sea turtle, and life's complications fade slightly...

next phase....

I'm struggling a bit right now. Working over 60 hours a week, I'm feeling strung out, sad, depressed, fat, and to top it off, Jen has been extra emotional the past few months due to a couple expensive failed attempts at getting pregnant. I know I just need to re-group.

I try to stay positive most of the time. It's tough sometimes though. I knew trying to start a family would be hard, but I didn't realize the emotional turmoil involved. I feel slightly frustrated, but that's probably normal. I'm also frustrated because Jose got his girlfriend pregnant. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it kind of does. Probably because he always beat me at everything, even back in high school...

Whatever. I know that when it finally happens, it will be wonderful and special, no matter what. I just gotta keep it together and not fall apart until that time comes... It's really hard for me to be the strong one for the majority of the time... I miss my Dad in times like these...

yay photobucket!

Tomorrow we're meeting with the photographer to see our wedding pics! Yipee!!!

Talk about timing!!!

So, the day we get back from our honeymoon in the virgin islands, of course the supreme court decides to allow gay marriage in California! So... as soon as June 16th Jen and I can get married legally! Woo hoo! It's going to be so crazy at the courthouse I'm guessing. And we'll have to have another ceremony, so we're hoping to just do the civil ceremony there on harbor which is scenic. Details to follow...

Tomorrow I turn 27, which is kinda weird because I feel older. We're doing bowling and karaoke this Friday and bbq on monday. I'm looking forward to some party action, as the wedding was SOOOO much fun and I was sad when it ended. Can't wait to see the pictures. And the honeymoon was also very nice. We went snorkeling everyday- saw sea turtles and sting rays and eels and lots of gorgeous fish and coral. I definitely want to go back some day, and remember to pack extra sunscreen next time!

25 Days.....

I'm not really stressing quite yet even though the wedding is less than a month away. The only thing I'm worried about is my finances, because I was planning on taking out some money from my home equity line of credit- and last week I received a letter saying my limit has been reduced dramatically. Soooo.... now I'm going to the bank after work and try to figure out how I'm going to afford to get married. Between Jen and I, we'll figure something out, but I hate not knowing.

This past weekend was a blast!! I had so much more fun at our bachelorette party than I thought I would. I can't disclose what happened, but I can say that when it was over, I was very very sad! I feel so blessed to have such good friends who support and love us. It was great!

So, tonight we are meeting with the caterer/event manager. Hopefully after going over everything with him we'll have a better grasp of what needs to be done. Next update will be a draft schedule of events, hopefully :o)

No No Drama.... I don't want no drama

Like avril say's, why's it gotta be so complicated??? Several months ago, as we started our initial wedding planning, Jen and I decided not to do many of the social traditions like bachelorette parties and weddding showers.... now, what are we doing? Both! And at first, it was an innocent idea. Joint bach party- dinner, maybe stay over at a hotel, nothing big. Now, it's a three day disneyland trip.

Well, the drama comes from good intentions and a serious lack of communication from the hostesses of the occasion (our maids of honor). Initially, I thought it would be fun for us to invite our moms- and ever since then, MY mom has stressed me out about drinking games, and who's riding together up there, etc... I had the good intention of spending time with mom, bad communication of one of the MOH's in that EVERYthing is planned without telling us what the hell is going on... so, mom's upset over a few misinterpreted emails, and is no longer going... on top of it there is all this family drama going on between her and my grandma and brother... whatever, I'm like a sponge and can't help but feel bad and partially responsible for the whole mess.

Moving on... the party is next weekend, who knows what will happen with a big group of girls. Please, let there be no drama!!! More updates on that next month.
Third week of April we have a wedding shower occasion- planned by Jen's mom and friend. Guess what we're doing? Think old lady pastimes... yep, we're painting ceramics! Woo hoo! Well, it should be entertaining and cute to see the older ladies doing something to suit their style- I just don't want all the ceramics to come home with us cause we have NO room in our dinky little one-bedroom...

Other wedding planning- My brother is the last one to get fitted for his tux, which he'll hopefully take care of while he's down. The bridesmaids still need to order their dresses. I finally got an outfit that I kinda like, but needs to be hemmed. Next week we have a food tasting appointment with the caterer. We still need to get our wedding playlist squared away with the dj. And we have to figure out the rehearsal dinner... Besides Jen designing all the center pieces, that's pretty much it. The cake is taken care of- thanks mom- and the photographer is ready to go. And then we decided to hire a couple pedicabs to take us over to balboa park after the ceremony for some pics, which should be fun. The honeymoon is also taken care of, except we still need to find some luggage, and buy some warm weather clothes and maybe a new snorkel. (Don't worry, I got my O'neil superfreaks and rainbow bikini already :) We're going to a very gay friendly resort in St. Croix- U.S. virgin islands- thanks Bob and Julie!

And next Monday is our third private dance lesson- we're doing a modified and simple rumba for our first dance. The next thing we have to figure out is seating arrangements, but in order to do that everyone needs to RSVP- which maybe doing it via the website was too difficult for some as we've only received 39 so far, and we are expecting 80-100... next month I'll probably be on the phone for a few hours bugging my relatives...

I really am looking forward to the wedding, even with all the minor stresses coming up. Not to sound cliche or sappy, but I really love Jen, and there's no one else that I want to spend the rest of my life with, so I'm glad we're going all out with the ceremony. ONLY 37 days left!! Yipeeow!

73 days....

counting down to the wedding... haven't updated in so long! Last entry was about my new-year's resolutions. So far not so good. Now I need to lose 35 pounds instead of 30, I haven't made any loan payments, and am thus far going further into debt with the potential aspect of purchasing a new home... bleh... I'm just feeling a bit overloaded as each minute of everyday is spent either working or sleeping, or going to dance class, or chorus rehearsals... I can't really complain though, I feel pretty fortunate to have the job I do, and I'm trying to get more side jobs without overloading myself too much. I guess I'm just stressing about our upcoming tax appointment. Plus the house is in disarray with wedding invitation supplies, and weight watcher shipments.

Next month will be better. I'll be able to pay off some bills, and hopefully start working on some art for this year's art of pride. Also, I'm almost finished with the wedding invitations so those will be going out soon. We just have to get all the wedding party people fitted for their outfits, which I have no idea where a good tux place is.

ANYway, you gotta just see the silver lining, otherwise you miss the important things in life.


new years resolutions....

so, only 125 days until I get married once again, take the plunge and look my best in front of EVERYONE. So... it would be really nice if I could lose the extra 30 pounds I've packed on over the last four months.

So, here's my list:

#1: Go to curves at least 3x a week.

#2: lose 30 pounds by May 3rd, 2008

#3: update my website, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN!!!

#4: clean my house, get rid of as much shit as possible.

#5: try to make payments on my big ass loan.

#6: research parenting options

#7: hopefully start packing in preparation for moving to a new house

#8: work on my art

#9: stop and smell the roses :)

I guess those are the main ones. I forsee this year to be a major turning point in my life as it is both Jen and my dream to start our family and find a more spacious place to live. Last year was a pretty eventful year: got engaged, went to the arctic, got a new job... So much has happened that it's hard to believe sometimes. Although I've been incredibly busy, and stressed a lot of the time, I also feel so blessed. So, here's to a new year full of love and promise!

Tired Day

I don't know why I feel like updating my journal.. I guess I'm feeling a bit run down from too much work. Looking very much forward to the holiday break. I think I'll leave the office for lunch today. Get away from Joyce, our elderly accountant who does nothing but complain, while eating her tuna salad...

...My new icon today expresses my desire to be creative... but too much work and lack of time and energy prohibits me from doing any art. Sometimes while working on Janet's landscape photographs I'll digitally manipulate them just for fun, without saving them of course since they are not my images.

I feel sad because Jen and I are working so hard that we have very little quality down time together. Even stolen spare minutes are consumed by mind-numbing thoughts of work, or bills, or whatever task I need to do. Ok, I'd better eat something, as hunger + sleep depravity = cranky-puss...

...hopefully a brighter, happier entry next time...